Joke's On You
by EvilIAm
Summary: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Draco and Snape are trapped in a room together and forced to watch A Very Potter Sequel because Dumbledore got bored. Slight Ronmione. AU around the end of Order of the Phoenix.
1. Act 1 Part 1

**Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Draco and Snape are trapped in a room together and forced to watch A Very Potter Sequel because Dumbledore got bored. Slight Ronmione. AU around the end of Order of the Phoenix. Not to be taken too seriously, and if you over think anything, it's your fault and I will not bother to explain. Maybe.**

**I do not own Harry Potter *insert witty line here*.**

* * *

"Please remind me what we're doing here again," Harry said to no one in particular.

"Because Dumbledore said he wanted us to see something," Hermione replied, but she was starting to wonder the same thing.

"We've been here for half an hour, Hermione," Ron groaned, sprawling himself out across a table. "I'm sure Dumbledore won't mind us getting a snack or two, we haven't eaten since breakfast."

"You could do with a little less food," Ginny rolled her eyes.

"And what's that supposed to mean?!" Ron growled at her.

"Depends-" Ginny started, but was interrupted by the classroom door opening and slamming into the wall.

"Potter! What are you doing here?!" Draco sneered at Harry, as he was followed in by Professor Snape.

"Malfoy, _Snape_, what are _you_ doing here?" Harry retorted back, surely Dumbledore didn't mean for them to be here too. Ron had leapt off the table and had rushed to Harry's side.

"It's _Professor_ Snape to you, Potter," Snape said, slamming the door closed. "Professor Dumbledore asked us to come to this room, so I suggest you leave."

"Then why'd you close the door then," Ginny remarked, but dropped her smirk when Snape shot her a sharp glare.

"Dumbledore told us to come to this room too, maybe he wanted to show us together?" Hermione suggested.

Ron snorted. "Doubt it, Hermione. Come on guys, let's get out of here, I'm hungry." But when Ron turned the doorknob, nothing happened. "It's- It's locked," Ron shot a baffled look at the rest of them.

"Idiot, Weasley," Draco rolled his eyes dramatically and sauntered forward. "Alohomora!" He exclaimed, but nothing happened. "Alohomora! Alohomora! _Alohomora, damnit_!"

Ginny and Ron snickered at the panicked look on his face as he swung his wand around uselessly.

"Why isn't it working?" Harry asked.

"Dumbledore," Snape groaned.

"Dumbledore, what?"

"This is Dumbledore's idea of fun. Or a joke."

"Dumbledore doesn't joke," Hermione said, but they all could hear the uncertainty in her voice. Dumbledore was about as predictable as the weather.

Suddenly, a projection lit up the wall behind Ginny. She shrieked and threw herself onto the floor.

"What. The. Hell." Ron said slowly as they all eyed the screen. "Where did that even come from!?"

"Professor, I think you're right," Malfoy said, his eyes wide. "This is Dumbledore's idea of a joke."

Harry sighed and sat down in a chair in front of the screen. "Well if he _is _behind it, he must have brought us all here for a good reason. Maybe we are going to watch a movie."

"What's a movie?" Malfoy asked, confused.

"A movie is a-" Hermione started, but Malfoy interrupted.

"Actually, I think I can live without knowing," He sneered at her, but sat down on the seat furthest from Harry. Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Snape followed his lead and also sat down, waiting patiently as the blue screen started to change colour.

**The screen suddenly went a man in a cloak**

"**You're late," **

"**Late!" Another man pulled off his hood and stared forward. "What's it matter? Look at this morning's prophet! 'The Boy Who Lived does it again, the Dark Lord dead for good..."**

"What the hell?" Harry peered at the screen, "What have I done now? What is this?"

"**I knew it!" He continued, "We backed the wrong side... AGAIN!"**

"**Calm yourself Yaxely," The hooded man said calmly.**

"**All us Death Eaters are going to Azkaban now! NOOOO! NO! NO!" Yaxely cried, stamping his foot down.**

"A Death Eater having a tantrum..." Ginny stared and the corner of her mouth twitched.

"**Do you have what I sent you for?" The hooded man leapt towards Yaxely.**

Ron and Ginny snorted with laughter.

"Did he just DANCE?"

"**Yeah, I got it." Yaxely replied. "I had to break into the Ministry for it, but I got it."**

"**Excellent."**

"**And you should see the Ministry, the Dark Lord not dead more than a day and they've already got the Wizard Cops after us." **

"**Damn those Wizard Cops!"**

Hermione giggled, but the others just looked confused.

"Wizard Cops?" Ron questioned her.

"Muggle reference," She replied with a wave of her hand.

"**Well," The hooded man continued. "None of that matters anymore, as long as we have this."**

"I wonder what it is..." Harry frowned, "The Death Eaters seem to want it badly."

"**Who do you think you are?!" Yaxely demanded. "We don't stand a chance against the Wizard Cops! Not even you, Lucius Malfoy!" **

Draco stared blankly at the screen. "Why is my Father wearing a wig?"

"**Don't ever tell me what I can't do!" Lucius sang, striking a ridiculous pose.**

Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione roared with laughter and even Snape's mouth twitched upwards at the thought of Lucius _dancing_.

"That is NOT my Father!"

"**I'd hold my tongue if I were you!" Lucius continued to sing and swept towards Yaxely. "For all we know, You-Know-Who could be watching us..."**

"Wait a second- I knew your Dad was a Death Eater!" Harry leapt out of his seat and pointed at Draco dramatically.

"Sit down you idiot, that is not my Father," Draco rolled his eyes and looked back at the screen.

"**He can be! He's dead!" Yaxely protested with a tinge of worry in his voice.**

"**That never stopped our plans before!" Lucius pulled another pose and whipped his head towards Yaxely. "Do you really think you'd be at my door, if we had nothing to discuss. He may be gone but that is just as well... Come inside, don't you fret, for it's not over yet." Both Lucius and Yaxely went through the curtain and other hooded figures came from both sides of the stage.**

"_Why _Dumbledore making us watch this?!" Ron groaned and slouched in his seat.

"**Evil plans, we are making evil plans," They sang and filled the stage. "Evil things with evil hands." They waved their hands around.**

"Yeah, so evil," Harry remarked.

"**We are making evil plans!"**

"**Lucius Malfoy! Why have you called us here?" A Death Eater asked, swaying from side to side.**

"**There's nothing to do!" Another one replied. "The Dark Lord is dead, Harry Potter wins, end of story!"**

"As if _you _defeat You-Know-Who," Draco spat at Harry, who just shrugged. He had no idea what the hell they were watching, but if he defeated Voldemort, well it mustn't be _that_ bad.

"**Yes! I know, I know," Lucius said, exasperated. "He married Ginny! They live happily ever after; there is literally no way to move forward from this point."**

Harry and Ginny blushed madly and avoided each other's eyes, whereas Draco laughed in their faces.

"**Then why are we here?" Demanded Yaxely.**

"**I was just getting to that," Lucius smiled serenely.**

Ginny and Hermione snickered.

"**Harry Potter!"**

"Why does everything have something to do with me?" Harry exclaimed.

"I'm sorry; doesn't everything have something to do with you?" Draco sneered at him and Harry made a face back at him.

"That's just about as close as you're going to get as a Malfoy apology." Ginny whispered to Hermione.

"**We are all in this sorry state because of him," Lucius continued. "And to think of all chances we had to destroy him! Why, if we had destroyed him at his first year at Hogwarts, we'd be ruling the world right now!"**

"**Yes Lucius, no one is arguing with that. Wah!" The swaying Death Eater agreed.**

"_Why _do they keep making that noise?" Draco complained.

"I can't get over the way Lucius Malfoy walks!" Ginny giggled, "He just about dances all the time. Why can't your real Dad do that, Malfoy?"

"Because he is not an idiot," Was Draco's simple reply.

"Wait, is Snape still here?" Harry whipped his head around, for the Potions master hadn't said a word since the... er... 'movie' started.

"Right here, Potter." Snape growled at the lack of the 'Professor' before his name, he was sitting on the opposite side of Draco. "Open your eyes."

"**But what does it matter, you can't change the past!" Another Death Eater protested.**

"I've got a feeling I know where this is going..." Hermione squinted at the screen.

"**Oh?" Said Lucius. "I know it seems impossible, we've been thrown off our track. But if we can't move forward... why shouldn't we move back..." Lucius sang as pulled a time-turner out of his pocket.**

"Called it," Hermione stated and Ron rolled his eyes.

"**Friends and companions of evil and sin! Think not of loss, but a new way to win!" Lucius sang and grinned at the time-turner. "For what is present without a beginning can start at all..."**

"**Go on," Yaxely said.**

"**There is a boy that everyone knows, the plan is simple! I propose we chock the weed before it grows up and ends it all." Lucius sang, making violent chocking movements with his hands. "Do you follow me?"**

"**...No." Said a Death Eater and Lucius sighed dramatically.**

"What's not to get?" Draco asked no one in particular.

"**The Dark Lord would have survived if the hadn't met." Lucius explained slowly in time with the music.**

"**So, you're saying he wouldn't be destroyed?" The Death Eater asked again.**

"**He'd be alive, what don't you get?" Lucius said, eying the Death Eater like he was an idiot, which he was.**

"Seems you and your Dad are on the same wavelength, eh Malfoy?" Harry grinned, and Draco glowered at him.

"**With Potter gone, the future will be set."**

"**Oh!" The Death Eaters said in unison.**

"**So it's not over yet!" Lucius grinned and stalked around, doing the occasional twirl as the Death Eaters sang.**

Draco face-palmed and groaned, "If my Father ever saw this..."

"**Evil plans! What a brilliant evil plan! Malfoy you're an evil man!" The Death Eaters ran forward and began running their hands over Lucius.**

"What the hell?" Ron laughed, sitting up straight as the weirdness grabbed his interest.

"**So it is decided! We shall use this time-turner to go back in time to Harry's first year at Hogwarts." Lucius concluded as the Death Eaters kept stroking Lucius' hair and clothes. "We'll destroy him before he ever gets the chance to destroy us!"**

"Brilliant logic," Ginny deadpanned.

"**My friends, I think we're going back... Who's with me!?" **

"**YEAH!" Yelled all the Death Eaters and sang, "Our history is nothing more than what the losers settled for!"**

"**So look alive, and don't forget, that it's not over..." Lucius sang.**

"**It's not over... no it's not over... It's. Not. Over. Yet!" They all sang and Lucius span around in a circle laughing like a maniac.**

"I don't know whether to laugh or cry, since they are laughing about killing me..." Harry said, looking slightly disturbed at the projected Lucius.

**The screen went dark and was suddenly lit up by the words 'A Very Potter Sequel'/**

"I _told _you everything is always about you!" Draco grinned at Harry.

"Why do you seem so happy about that?" Ginny raised her eyebrows suggestively and Draco scowled at her. "And why," Ginny turned to Snape. "Have you not anything for the past however long?"

"Unlike you, Weasley, I don't have to constantly be talking all the time." Snape sneered at her.

**The screen we back to the stage area, and it lit up to show a man wearing a conductors outfit.**

"**Platform nine, platform ten," The man stated, using his arms to show where they were, "Nothing in between."**

"**Can someone tell me how to get to Platform nine and three quarters?!" A boy with a mop of curly black hair and a blue sweatband barged through the door. The screen suddenly disappeared and went back to the plain wall.**

"Wait, wait, wait!" Ron protested, jumping out of his seat. "Where'd it go?"

"MERLIN, was that supposed to be me!?" Harry wailed and touched his hair self consciously.

"Come on! It was just getting good!" Ginny exclaimed. Even Snape had to admit that he was slightly interested about this 'joke' Dumbledore had come up with now, he didn't say that out loud though, of course.

The area where the projection was lit up again and was replaced with a black screen, Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione cheered and sat back down

* * *

**End of Chapter 1 (Act 1 Part 1)**

**Review please :)**

**~Eviliam**


	2. Act 1 Part 2

**Thank you all for your kind reviews! I always make sure that I reply to them, unless your a guest though.**

**I don't own A Very Potter Sequel or Harry Potter.**

* * *

"I wish we had popcorn..." Ginny said suggestively, as if waiting for the classroom to somehow provide it.

"This isn't the Room of Requirement, Ginny." Ron reminded his sister who pouted.

"A girl can dream."

"**Excuse me, sir! Can you tell me how to get to Platform Nine and Three Quarters?" Harry ran towards the train official.**

"**Nine and Three Quarters? Doesn't exist." He replied, crossing his arms. "You're the seven hundredth kid to ask me that today, I still refuse to believe it exists."**

"Poor guy," Ron said sympathetically. "Every year he has to deal with people asking him that."

"**Sir, you've got to help me! I just ran away from home from my mean aunt and uncle, they keep me under some stairs." Harry pleaded to the officer.**

"They do WHAT now!?" Ginny screeched and Harry covered his ears. Hermione and Ron looked horrified and even Draco and Snape were intrigued.

"Uh- well..." Harry began nervously, "They don't do that anymore... Let's just watch the movie."

"**Listen, you got to believe me," Harry continued. "I got this letter from Hogwarts School of Witchcr- SIR! Listen! Please, a bird gave it to me!" Harry ran after the officer who just looked extremely annoyed.**

Ginny snickered at that line.

"**Pfft, yeah right, Hogwarts." Harry said, defeated. He dropped down onto his suitcase as the side door opened and a woman entered.**

"**Ohh! Hurry kids, we're gonna miss the train! Come on Weasleys!" The woman yelled.**

"Is that... Mum?" Ron leaned forward and stared at the screen. "Why has she got brown hair?"

"**Bill!" Molly yelled.**

"**Yo, yo, Ma." Bill sauntered out.**

Harry, Ron and Ginny all burst out laughing.

"**Charlie?" Molly called out again.**

"**Wassup Mummy," Charlie strode out with his hands in his pockets.**

"**Percy," said Molly.**

"**Hello, Mother," Percy said, pushing up his glasses.**

Harry, Ron and Ginny laughed harder and Hermione giggled at the portrayal of Percy.

"**Fred and George!" Molly demanded.**

"**But I'm George," Said one of them, they were both shaking like they were on a sugar high.**

"**Nice try, you've got an 'F' on your shirt, dumb-ass." Molly retorted.**

"If Mum actually said that in real life..." Ginny choked out through laughter and Ron nearly fell out of his seat.

"**Oh boy, real Muggles!" Arthur Weasley came forward with a camera, "Everybody say 'Chocolate Frog'!" He closed the camera hesitantly, "I think I got it! Boy, isn't it silly?"**

"**Oh Arthur, quit fiddling with that Muggle picture maker!"**

"That's actually kind of accurate," Ginny said, grinning.

Draco rolled his eyes, "Weasleys," he muttered to himself.

**Molly started counting all of the kids and paused when she got to Bill. "Where's Ron with your sister?"**

"Oh, here's my part!" Ron said, and his face full of excitement immediately fell comically at the sight of the actor playing himself.

"**Did somebody say 'Ron'?" Ron asked, holding open the door as the purple light behind him flashed.**

Ron just stared, and Ginny and Harry snickered at his expression.

"**Honey, hurry! You're gonna miss the train!" Molly replied, a significant wail in her voice.**

"**Well I'm trying to go faster, but I got this idiot little sister!" Ron complained, carrying his suitcase in one hand and holding Ginny's hand with the other.**

"HEY!" Ginny leapt out of her seat, "Why the hell am I sucking my thumb?"

"...Ron just called you an idiot," Hermione said slowly and Ginny shrugged.

"Nothing new there."

"**Ronnie! Apologize to your idiot sister!" Molly demanded.**

Ginny glared at the screen, "I'm going to be the bullying victim, aren't I?"

**Ron looked at Ginny with disgust, "No!"**

"**Oh, you're gonna get it!" Molly said angrily. She clapped at Bill, who clapped at Charlie, who clapped at Percy, who clapped at Fred, who clapped at George, who clapped at Ron, who turned around and clapped at Ginny, who wailed and blocked her ears.**

"...What the hell was that?" Draco said in confusion.

"A stage slap... I think," Hermione frowned.

"**Alright gang, alright, it's picture time," Arthur said, holding up his camera. "This is Ronnie's first day at Hogwarts, here we go." All the Weasley kids gathered in, pulling faces and smiling happily. "I got it! It's a good one!" Arthur proclaimed after he shut the camera.**

**Harry came up behind Arthur and tapped him on the shoulder, "Uh, excuse me sir?"**

"**Yes, my dear boy?"**

"**I couldn't help but over hear you say something about 'Hogwarts', can you tell me how to get to Platform Nine and Three Quarters?" Harry asked hesitantly.**

"**Platform Nine and Three Quarters!?" Arthur exclaimed, "Why, it's right through that brick wall!"**

"It does sound kind of stupid when you say it out loud," Ron grinned at the expression on screen-Harry's face.

"**...Wh-what?"**

Ginny and Hermione laughed.

"**Arthur, he doesn't know," Molly laid a hand on her husband's shoulder. "Must have been raised by Muggles..."**

"**What's a- what's a Muggle?"**

Draco face-palmed, "You can't be serious."

"What?" Harry defended himself, "How was I supposed to know what a Muggle was?"

"**What's a Muggle?!" Arthur exclaimed again, disbelief all over his face. "Why it's a wizard who doesn't... I mean, it's a wizard who can't..." Arthur turned to Molly, "He doesn't know what a Moogle is."**

They all snickered, except for Snape of course.

**Molly stepped forward towards Harry, "A Muggle is a non-magical person. I'll tell you what, you stick with Ronnie over there, it's his first year at Hogwarts too." Ron waved with the hand that was still connected to Ginny.**

"You know, that's kind of how it happened, really." Harry said thoughtfully, "In a roundabout way."

"**Alright Weasleys, in ya go!" Molly yelled and gestured forwards with her hands.**

"**Alright, follow me gang! Come on," Arthur led the Weasley siblings off the stage.**

"**Ginny dear," Molly started, reaching out to take Ginny's hand. "Ginny dear, you come with me, Ginny dear. Leave the boys alone, Ginny, leave the boys alone. You'll go to Hogwarts next year." Molly finally wretched Ginny's hand from Ron's, and dragged her off stage.**

"**Awah! Awah! Awah!" Ginny sobbed.**

"Oh my god," Ginny groaned and Hermione patted her on the back sympathetically, Draco snickered.

"Well it looks like they got one thing right so far," He grinned slyly at her.

"Shut up, Ferret Boy," Ginny growled at him, "You haven't come on screen yet, who knows what you'll act like."

Draco scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"**Yes," Ron stared at the hand that had been holding Ginny's in wonder, rotating it in the air, "At last, FREEDOM!"**

"A bit over dramatic there, Ron?" Hermione raised her eyebrows at the ginger, who made a face at her.

"**GOD, I hate my stupid little sister!" Ron yelled.**

Ginny glared at Ron, and he discretely moved his seat further away from her.

"**She's just such a... such a..."**

"**Butterface?" Harry finished for him.**

"HEY!" Ginny whirled around and turned her glare onto Harry.

"It wasn't me!" He said hurriedly, "It was movie-me!"

Draco frowned, beginning to regret not letting Hermione explain to him what a movie was.

**Ron stared at Harry for a few moments, before holding his stomach and laughing. "You know what, kid?" He walked over to Harry and slung his arm over his shoulder, "You're alright!"**

"...No comment," said Ginny.

"**I'm Ron Weasley! Hey, do want a delicious..." Ron pulled a packet out of his pocket and stared directly at the camera. "Red Vine?"**

"**Absolutely," Harry replied, also looking at the camera.**

"**Well hey, here you go, good buddy." Ron handed him a Red Vine.**

"**Red Vines are like, my favourite snack in the whole world," Harry said, munching away on the lolly.**

"Before anyone says anything," Harry started, for he had seen Ginny turn towards him and open her mouth. "I have never had these 'Red Vines' in my life."

"**Oh my god, me too," Ron replied dreamily. Both Harry and Ron froze, before turning towards each other slowly. They both raised an arm, copying each others' movements, before both pulling the Red Vine out of their mouths.**

Hermione rolled her eyes at their antics.

"**Alright," said Ron slowly, "Favourite Amy Mann song on three, one, two three."**

"**Red Vines," They said together.**

Ginny face-palmed.

"**Favourite colour of vines, other than green," Harry said.**

"**Red Vines," They said together.**

Hermione groaned, but a hint of a smile was at the corner of her lips.

"**Favourite way to say 'red wines' in a German accent," Ron said.**

"**Red Vines- OH MY GOD!" They yelled and embraced each other.**

"You bonded over candy?" Ginny said, raising a skeptical eyebrow at Harry and Ron.

"Basically," Harry grinned and shared a high-five with Ron.

Ginny muttered something like 'boys' under her breath before focusing on the projection again.

"**Where have you been all my life?!" Ron cried and pulled apart from Harry.**

**Harry swallowed before replying, "In a cupboard, under some stairs."**

Harry kept his gaze on the screen, but he could feel everyone in the room's eyes on him.

"**That's so cool!" Ron picked up his suitcase, "Alright, well, come on... friend."**

"I can't believe you didn't even bother to remember my name," Harry said to Ron, who shrugged.

"**Let's go to Hogwarts, you just got to go through that brick wall," Ron said simply.**

"**Sounds kind of scary."**

"**Hey, it's okay. We can do it together," Ron said softly, holding out his hand to Harry.**

"Awww..." Ginny cooed teasingly, and Ron's ears reddened. Draco's face screwed up dramatically.

"What are they, five?"

"They are eleven, actually," Hermione stated and Draco huffed indignantly.

"**You wanna hold hands?"**

"**...I'd love that," Harry replied.**

"**Okay, on the count of three, one... two... three!" They ran off the stage and came back around the front. "That was a big brick wall."**

Harry and Ron laughed.

"**All aboard gang, the Hogwarts express!" Percy instructed, and lots of other people joined Harry and Ron on the stage.**

"**Alright man, let's go get a seat now," said Ron. "Oh, hey pal, that's a pretty cool headband you got there."**

"Here we go," Harry muttered.

"**Oh, thanks," Harry said dejectedly. "I wear it to cover this gross scar I got when I was a baby. I was in the car with my parents when they crashed... into a crocodile. My parents got eaten, but then the crocodile took out a knife and gave me this scar. At least, that's what my liar aunt and uncle told me."**

Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione laughed.

"Because _that's _completely believable," Ron grinned, "A crocodile? Really?"

"Well this is Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia we're talking about, I'm pretty sure Dudley would be satisfied with an excuse like that." Harry retorted.

"**Oh, that sucks. Can I see it!?"**

"**Oh, yeah sure," Harry took of the headband and pushed back his hair, revealing his lightning bolt shaped scar. "Here it is."**

**Ron gaped openly at him.**

"**Oh my god, you're Ha-" Ron stuttered, "You're Harr- Harry..."**

"Spit it out," Ginny giggled at projection Ron's expression.

"**Bloody hell! It's Harry Potter!"**

Hermione laughed, "Oh my god, it's Seamus."

**Everyone in the background cheered and immediately huddled over towards Harry, who looked extremely confused.**

"**Seamus Finnigan's the name, Mr. Potter," said Seamus shaking Harry's hand enthusiastically, and speaking with a strong Cockney accent. "Meeting you like this is a right treat, a right treat Potter."**

"But... Seamus is Irish," Ron said, confused.

Ginny rolled her eyes, "Just go with it, Ron."

"**Nice to meet you," Harry replied.**

"**Hey, what up man? My name's Dean Thomas, you want some bubbleguuuum?"**

"**Can you sign my Harry Potter poster, Mr. Potter." Another boy came forward with poster of a baby with a lightning bolt scar.**

"I'm a bit concerned on how they managed to get that picture," said Hermione.

"**Um, okay." Harry took the pen he was holding. "What's your name?**

"**Neville Longbottom, sir!"**

"**Okay, Shlongbottom," Harry turned around and laughed with Dean and Ron.**

Draco snorted.

"Poor Neville," Ginny sighed dramatically, "Cursed with a last name easily made fun of."

"**Ni hao, Harry Potter, my name is Cho Chang y'all. You should visit the Ravenclaw house sometime," Cho said as she touched Harry's face.**

"Wait, Cho?" Harry stared, his face full of confusion. "Cho Chang? Isn't she supposed be..."

"I'm so confused," Ron pulled at his hair. "Is that Cho or not?"

"**Ron! What is going on? Everyone's treating me like I'm famous or something."**

"**But Harry, you are!" Ron grinned with excitement, "You're Harry freakin' Potter! You don't understand, you're a legend man to us all!" Ron sang and everyone else danced beside him. "Every son and daughter SAVED from You-Know-Who all because of you, you were small I wonder if you can recall..."**

"Oh, god..." Harry muttered and Snape smirked at his obvious discomfort.

"**Long story short, this guy **_**Voldemort**_**," Ron whispered his name, "Was super cruel."**

"**Voldemort?" Harry questioned, everyone gasped and shushed him immediately.**

"**He tried to kill you and your parents, and this is where it gets intensely cool..."**

"Of course you would find it cool, Ron." Hermione said, she and Ginny sharing a look.

"**Even though you were a tiny little baby," Ron sang happily. "You should have died but you survived and then destroyed this evil guy and it's a story we enjoy to tell. You're Harry freakin' Potter! We don't prefer Gandalf, Merlin or Oz,"**

"Who-" Ron started, but Hermione cut him off.

"Muggle wizards,"

"...But that doesn't make any-"

"Shh."

"**You're a whole lot hotter!" They all sang together, "With that lightning scar you're a super star to us all! If we're in trouble, we know who to call!" Harry and Ron moved aside as everyone danced.**

"**And the best part is, you're RICH!" Ron exclaimed.**

"Of course," Ginny agreed, mock-serious.

"**Did somebody say Harry Potter? Rita Skeeter here from the Daily Prophet, reporting to you live from Platform Nine and Three Quarters where I just happened to bump into the original whiz kid himself. Harry Potter the lad who lived."**

"Oh great, it's _her._"

"**Where've you been for ten years? Are you excited to go to Hogwarts? Are you frightened for your life?" Rita said, writing with her peacock feather quill.**

"**Why would I be frightened for my life?" Harry said, confused.**

"Good question, movie-me," said Harry. "Why would I be frightened for my life?"

"**Weeeeell," Rita said slowly. "Ain't you cocky? Listen here readers, HP the eleven year old tyke shows no fear, even in the face of a murderous dog like Sirius Black."**

"SIRIUS!?" Harry yelped, and stole a quick glance at Snape who looked livid at the mention of his old enemy. "Now I have to watch myself hate someone I'm not supposed to hate." Draco, once again, looked extremely lost.

"**Who's Sirius Black?"**

"Potter, did you know _anything _when you were eleven?"

"**Who's Sirius Black? You don't know?" Rita asked, "He used to be your Dad's best friend, until he betrayed him to the Dark Lord and got him killed. Yep, it turns out he was a Death Eater. He killed thirteen ducks before they caught him, and I mean people."**

"...What?" Ron said, perplexed.

"**He hates your guts! Wants you dead!" Rita continued happily. "He just escaped from Azkaban, but it's no skin off your back kid, you know why?" She asked, and Harry shrugged. "You're Harry freakin' Potter! I wouldn't wince at all, you're invincible to all harm! Like Betty Crocker! I wanna eat you up; no one will beat you up with that charm. Remember Harry, kid, you're the boss, you're the king, you're the bomb! Keep your nose clean, kid."**

"Thank goodness, I thought she'd never leave," Hermione sighed with relief.

"**All aboard!" Percy called out as everyone said goodbye.**

"**I love you so much!" Arthur yelled to Ron.**

"**I love you!" Molly called out as well.**

"**Ron, this is all so much to take, I mean this is all so unreal!" Harry said, out of breath.**

"**No it's not! You're Harry Potter, you're the coolest kid in the goddamn world! Everything's awesome for you, so you better get used to it!"**

"So that's where your ego came from," Draco drawled out slowly.

"Shut up, Malfoy." Harry and Ron said together.

"**This is all so sad, I mean my Mum and Dad were killed long ago," Harry sang. "I wanna be psyched, but being unlicked is all I know..."**

Hermione and Ginny frowned.

"**I never thought I'd be a part of such a fate, an opportunity eleven years late..." Harry sang, clicking along to the music. "I guess it's time for me step up to the plate and show them that I'm something great! I'm Harry freakin' Potter! I'll do what I can if what you say I am is true! I can't be bothered by my awful past, I've found at last something I can do, so it's time I knew exactly who I am...I'm Harry freakin' Potter!"**

"**You're Harry freakin' Potter!" They all sang together, circling around Harry.**

"Getting sick of your name yet?" Ron grinned over at Harry.

"Just a bit," he replied.

"**I'm the man!" Harry cheered and was picked up by Seamus and Ron. "Harry freakin' Potter!" They all pointed to him, and the projection cut off again.**

"Bet you loved that one, Potter," Snape sneered at Harry.

But Harry simply rolled his eyes, the musical didn't seem to be very accurate so far, and he knew that Snape was just trying to get a rise of him.

"Now we just wait patiently for next one," Ginny smiled and settled into her seat.

* * *

**End of Act 1 part 2. **

**Review please!**

**~EvilIAm**


End file.
